sugar-free

today marks the beginning of lent. it is relatively new to me. there was no celebration of lent in my southern baptist upbringing. i like lent. for me, lent is a time to be more reflective and more consciously aware of what i believe - that God is always present, always loving me. i believe God is present in the world, and i believe God has taken up residence inside of me. so i am removing one thing from my life in order to connect with God.

i am giving up refined sugar. i cannot overstate how much i love to eat sugar. but the truth is that my body does not do well on sugar. i come by it honestly. sugar makes my dad feel bad, too. when i eat sugar, it tastes amazing. i feel great for about an hour then it drags me down. i feel sluggish and sick if i eat too much. it's not that great for me. that's what my body has told me, and i am learning to listen to my body. this not feeling good is a recent development, and it is disappointing, but it's not life-shattering. it's in the category of white people's problems (click to laugh). so i'm giving it up for 40 days even though i will want it daily. for breakfast i had a banana and zevia black cherry cola, a conscious creative adjustment. there is a vegan peanut butter chocolate bar sitting on my kitchen counter staring at me as i type. so i will not lack for reminders of God, and that's good because i want to be reminded. constantly. i also plan to counteract my sugar cravings with other better things like conversations with good friends, good food, and lots of salsa dancing.

my hesitation to keep lent in the past has been tied to the misconception that it is dreary, a self inflicted form of suffering. but it's not. if we decide to keep it, we are supposed to keep it gladly. i also thought fasting was supposed to be a secret so as not to create some kind of spiritual pride. i think i missed the boat on that, too. we are supposed to do it for ourselves rather than to conform to religious expectation or to impress people. so, for maybe the only time in my life, i am gladly giving up sugar for 40 days. if you see me before Easter, don't offer me anything sweet and delicious to eat. i'm holding out for reeses peanut butter eggs in hopes that God will feel near and my body will learn to be healthy. i'm trying to focus on the free in sugar-free.

Closer is He than breathing, nearer than hands and feet.

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

And when you fast, don't make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. Matthew 6:16-18 NLT