prayer

I would describe my spiritual journey as surprising and deeply good. Something inside me wants to blog about it. So I will - for me, just because I want to.

Today I woke up and wanted to stay in bed like every other day. So I prayed. . .to buy me more time. This is an on again off again habit that started a long time ago. I often awake and spontaneously thank God for the day. It has become so common that it is almost involuntary, and I'm half asleep when I do it. But it still feels good to think of God before I open my eyes and start my day. It's more like a good morning than anything else. It's earthy and real for me when I talk to God in this way - curled up in my down comforter. And I feel reminded of God's love on these mornings and ready to go about my day.

If I don't wake up with God, I often check in. . .in the car. As I drive toward whatever the day holds, I feel compelled to ask for blessing, guidance, goodness, help and love as I go about my day. I pray for myself and others that come into my mind. Some are people who will cross my path that day. Others seem to appear in my mind as if to ask for prayer from me. I enjoy praying for people I know and love. I enjoy wanting good things for people in the presence of God. I believe God works through my prayers in some completely indescribable way. And I like being part of something mysterious and good.

If I am feeling a lot of anxiety, on a good day, I try to turn that into a prayer. Sometimes it is involves a lot of words that don't really make much sense followed by a silent "you know, right?" with a person's name attached or a problem I can't fix in my own head. I often don't know how to pray, but I feel like God knows and the point is to remember that and be with God in the moment. I usually feel less alone, a greater sense of peace, calmer and more confident as I do the next thing. The simple truth is that I feel much better when I turn my anxious thoughts into prayers.

Tennyson said, "Closer is He than breathing, nearer than hands and feet." I believe that to be true. Sometimes I can feel it - which is comforting and good. Other times I can't feel much of anything or, even worse, it feels like God is absent. But I believe He is there all the same, closer than my heartbeat, listening with love. I guess that is why I pray.